


to all that we are

by seokk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blink and you’ll miss it, First Kiss, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, it’s barely there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokk/pseuds/seokk
Summary: He could only describe them as burning, scorching warmth. Shades of gold blended together with flecks of brown, standing out and making them seem bottomless. He could drown in those eyes.“If you have that much to say about my eyes,” that voice,hisvoice, says, “Then you have more brain damage than I thought.”Yamaguchi freezes.——In which Yamaguchi figures that Tsukishima isn’t the worst way to die. Probably.





	to all that we are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joyfulwriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyfulwriting/gifts).

> TsukkiYama Week 2019:
> 
> **First** | Royalty/Historical
> 
> it’s a series of firsts if you squint shshsjsj

The first time he saw those eyes he _knew_.

He knew that he was doomed, that those eyes—_cold, why were they so cold?_—would be the ruin of him.

The first time he saw a semblance of warmth and fondness in those eyes Yamaguchi spent countless nights afterwards without a shred of sleep. It ate away at him, leaving him breathless and grasping for a shred of calm amongst the thoughts clamoring in his head. Would he smile at him like that? Would those bright witty eyes ever look at him? How would that mouth, so snarky and teasing, fit against his would it be soft would he rush things oh _the things that sharp tongue would **do**_—

Tsukishima Kei was utterly, irrevocably, going to be the end of him.

**_____________**

The first time those eyes met his was the day he swore he had died.

“Shit,” he hears a voice swear from somewhere next to him. “Can you hear me?”

A pair of hands enter his line of vision. He feels their warmth as they smooth the hair out of his face, feels strong arms ease him up and— _oh_. They were beautiful in the sunlight, even more breathtaking up close. He scolded himself for having once called those eyes cold when they were anything but that.

Warm.

He could only describe them as burning, scorching warmth. Shades of gold blended together with flecks of brown, standing out and making them seem bottomless. He could drown in those eyes.

“If you have that much to say about my eyes,” that voice, _his_ voice, says, “Then you have more brain damage than I thought.”

Yamaguchi freezes. He’s on his feet before his mind can finish reeling with the realization that _oh fuck he had said that out loud and in front of **him**. _

Before his feet can carry him far, far away from his embarrassment, a hand tightens around his wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I—” His throat felt dry.

“You took a hit from one of my serves.” Tsukishima snorts. “Don’t you think you should get your head checked out?”

“I-I’m fine!” He chokes out.

The fingers wrapped around his wrist are gone too soon.

Tsukishima gives him a look and Yamaguchi half expects him to protest again. Instead he shrugs. “Just a suggestion. If you feel fine then you’re free to go.” Without sparing another glance, he picks his ball back up and Yamaguchi watches his back retreat.

His head aches, he knows there’ll be bruising for the days to come, but in that moment he feels a surge of emotions.

Joy. Shock. Anxiousness. Embarrassment.

They hit him like a slap to the face and for once he finds himself at a loss for words. He feels a twinge of excitement, having been able to look him in the eyes without passing out. He feels his nerves spike and a rush of electricity climb up his spine. Most of all he’s disappointed it didn’t last. Those eyes that had looked at him with concern, a hint of amusement tugging at lips normally turned to a frown, those _hands_.

They had wrapped around his wrist almost mindlessly, seamlessly, and Yamaguchi was ashamed when he wondered how easily they could wrap around both his wrists.

“Shit,” he echoes Tsukishima’s earlier exclamation. _Shit_. He had only looked him in the eyes once, felt the strength in his hands and arms once, been acknowledged once, and already he had been ruined enough for a single lifetime.

** _____________ **

“Take him out!”

“Killing him seems excessive.”

“_No_, dumbass! I meant that he should take him out on a date!” Hinata huffs, dodging Kageyama’s swipe at him.

In retrospect, asking his friends for advice was about the worst thing Yamaguchi could’ve done. He’d gathered them all together and after a couple hours of lazing around, not one of them had come up with a decent plan.

“How would I even ask him out? I can’t just,” Yamaguchi gestures wildly, “I can’t go up to him! I don’t think I’d be able to do it! I don’t even have a good segway to do that!”

“I don’t know,” Yachi quips. “I mean you could go up to him and say ‘Hey, you hit me with a volleyball, go out with me and I won’t sue you!’”

“_No_!” He shrieks at the same time Hinata enthusiastically shouts ‘_Yes_!’

Kageyama pulls Hinata back down to his seat only to get a pout in return. He shrugs, “She has a point.”

Yamaguchi groans, feeling the years tick off his lifespan, “Not you too, Kageyama.”

He stands and resumes his earlier pacing. Approaching Tsukishima head on seemed reckless and, honestly, he doubted he’d be able to survive without combusting on the spot. Guilting him into a date also didn’t sit well with him. He cursed the universe for setting everything against him. Neither of them shared classes, would only occasionally pass each other between classes, and even then he was reaching for the tiniest shred of interaction. Maybe he should shove his crush down and let it wither away and die, maybe…

“...Yamaguchi!” Yachi’s voice drags him out of his thoughts. “Are you listening to us?”

“Sorry.. What’d you say?”

“I have a plan!” Hinata bounces to his feet.

“_We_,” Tobio interjects.

“_Fine_. We have a plan!”

Yamaguchi had heard his fair share of ‘brilliant’ ideas from the duo. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt sick all of a sudden.

“Bakageyama and I share a class with Tsukishima! There’s a midterm coming up and we could convince him to help us study!”

“H-How does that help me exactly..?”

Hinata grins in the way he does when he’s about to say something that everyone automatically disagrees with.

“You could tag along with us! Join our study group!”

With as much as he wants to turn the offer down, he finds that the words refuse to come out. In theory, it could work. Definitely. The thought of spending an entire afternoon so close to Tsukishima, however, scares him.

He sputters, “I-I don't even have the same class as you! Wouldn’t that look suspicious?”

Hinata considers it for a moment before breaking out into another grin. “We’ll say it’s for moral support! That you’re there to help us out! He won’t mind! Right, Tobio?” Kageyama grunts in response.

The look the two share leads him to think that there’s something more to the plan than they’re letting on, but he decides to worry about that later.

That was his second mistake.

**_____________ **

His first mistake, he realizes belatedly, was having listened to them in the first place.

Yamaguchi sits at a vacant library table, glaring down at the messages on his phone that are practically shrieking with laughter. When (_‘if,’ he thinks and wants to pull his hair out and cry_) he survives the next few hours, he swears that neither of the two would see the light of day again.

***** **

_**hinata**_: _sorry yamaguchi! something important came up so me and tobio won't be able to make it today!! ((´д｀)) _

_… _

_you’re kidding right??? _

_kageyama please tell me he’s joking _

_**kageyama**: sorry _

_I KNEW IT_

_YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING_

_WHAT AM I GONNA DO???_

_IM ALREADY HERE??????_

_Read: 2:26 pm_

*******

He wonders if it’s too late to gather his things and make a clean getaway when he sees tall, blond, and glasses round the shelf.

Yamaguchi is left aghast.

Tsukishima’s mouth moves as he gets nearer—he’s speaking, he registers somewhere distantly—but he hears nothing aside from the sudden rush of blood and ringing in his ears.

“—ou okay? Don’t tell me you actually got brain damage from getting hit with the ball.” Tsukishima pulls a chair out, letting his bag fall carelessly onto the table. “...You didn’t,” he looks up at him, “Did you?”

Before he could stop himself he’s already rattling off and assuring him that no, he’s fine, really, there’s nothing to worry about, and throwing in a nervous laugh in between pauses.

There’s the annoyed look on Tsukishima’s face again but his eyes betray him, brimming with amusement.

“Right.” Tsukishima smirks. “Good to know.”

Yamaguchi feels himself melt under his gaze. To avoid having to stare into his eyes any longer than he can humanly handle, he turns his attention back to the messages. No reply. Damn them.

Tsukishima seems to catch sight of the phone and sighs. “So they told you that they were bailing too, huh? Wouldn’t take it to heart if I were you, or you can. But they don’t show up most of the times they set up study dates so I at least wouldn’t be too surprised.”

Yamaguchi laughs, airy and soft. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to him that the duo purposely missed studying. He should have expected it. Then again, it would’ve been surprising if they _had_ shown up after all.

A sudden thought makes itself heard in the midst of his musing. He pauses. Glances up at Tsukishima. Looks back down. Repeat. Yamaguchi nervously continues flitting his gaze between the table and his face until he brings himself to ask.

“If.. If you knew that they weren’t coming.. Why did you still show up..?” His heart pounds.

At this, Tsukishima stops. His expression changes and he sees a brief flash of—of embarrassment? Shame? It happens so fast he thinks he imagined it.

The blond across from him seems to ponder and choose his next words carefully.

“Well.. I didn’t expect to get much studying done with those dumbasses around. They talked you up, though, so I thought I might as well show up and see what we can get done.”

Yamaguchi sags with <strike>disappointment</strike> relief. Tsukishima slides a notebook over to him and rummages through his bag. As he opens the notebook and flips through pages upon pages of notes, he finds his smile growing wider and wider. He feels the other’s eyes on him again. Without answering the unasked question, Yamaguchi finds himself unable to fight back a laugh. With his head bent and his shoulders shaking with each burst of laughter he stops caring about the fact he could get kicked out of the library.

Tsukishima waits for his laughter to die down before quietly shooting a snarky comment.

“I don’t know what’s so funny, but you’re gonna get us kicked out of here and I _really_ don’t want to do that walk of shame.”

He wipes the tears from his eyes, his smile wobbly and a few more giggles slipping out. “I’m—I’m sorry but I just—It’s stupid, _god_, this is so stupid—”

“Try me.”

Closing the notebook to prevent another fit of laughter, he awkwardly smiles towards Tsukishima. “I was wondering why Kageyama and Hinata were so reluctant to show up. When I realized that it was _english_ of all the things they were gonna be studying for, it all came together!”

Tsukishima’s face goes blank. For a moment he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he should have kept that to himself. Without warning he hears a short laugh. Nothing more than a simple chuckle, a puff of air and a bit nasally, but to Yamaguchi it’s a sound that he’ll have ingrained in his head until the end of time.

He’d spent more than his fair share of daydreams wondering what he’d look like when he laughed, what it’d sound like. Actually hearing it however was a thousand times better than anything his imagination could’ve supplied.

The way his lips quiver as if unsure if to smile or not, the way his hand comes up to cover his mouth (_no, no he wanted to see his smile don’t hide it_), his eyes are _radiant_. Half closed or not they captivate him and for the first time—no, for the hundredth time—he never wants to look away again. He could watch him laugh and smile a thousand times, a million times, and it would still make his heart leap as if it were the first.

In the end they do get kicked out of the library but neither of them feels the least bit embarrassed.

They wander aimlessly around the campus for a while, studying long forgotten, and talk about everything and nothing in particular.

Before either of them know it, that becomes routine. Meet up in the library, get kicked out (_how haven’t they been banned yet?_), and spend the rest of the day together. Yamaguchi thinks that he wouldn’t mind living the rest of his life like that.

On one of those days, Yamaguchi finds himself being guided towards the volleyball court. He protests weakly—_“I’ve never played.” “Anyone can throw and hit a ball. You’ll do fine.”_—but Tsukishima always finds a retort.

When they do begin to play he decides that perhaps it isn’t as hard as he thought. They fall into a rhythm easily. Serve. Spike. Receive.

And maybe it was because he felt too comfortable, maybe he was lost in his own thoughts. For whatever reason, when Yamaguchi sends the ball over the net, Tsukishima doesn’t move to receive it. Yamaguchi chokes out a horrified gasp as the ball connects—right into the unsuspecting face of Tsukishima.

His feet are moving across the court before the other’s glasses hit the ground.

“Oh my god _oh my god_—I’m so sorry I should’ve paid attention to where I was aiming oh god—” Yamaguchi babbles as he collapses next to him, a puddle of nerves and anxiety. He’s cupping his face to get a good look and moving to help him get up before he knows it. He’s done it. He’s sure of it. He’s gone and crossed a line and now whatever chance he had of being friends with him is gone.

Tsukishima murmurs something. Yamaguchi quiets down.

“W-What was that..?”

Tsukishima picks his glasses up (he _broke_ them oh _god_—) and repeats himself, “I said it’s not your fault. Quit apologizing. I got distracted. If anything I brought this upon myself.”

There’s not much that he knows about Tsukishima, but one thing he knows for a fact is that he never loses focus when playing. It seemed out of character for someone who gave it his all regardless if it was a real match or not.

“R-Right,” he gulps, nauseous, “But.. Why were you so distracted..?”

Tsukishima’s ears are tinged with red. A trick of the light, he tells himself, because Tsukishima Kei never blushes.

“...Thinking.”

“Thinking..? About?”

At this he notices his cheeks are dusted a rosy pink and his eyes are downcast. He can’t tell himself it’s just the lighting anymore.

“Tsukishima?”

The mention of his name is enough to spur him into action. He pockets the shattered glasses and turns to leave. Yamaguchi reaches for his arm, a plea at the tip of his tongue, when Tsukishima tells him, “Don’t. Just… _Don’t.”_ Their eyes meet. His hand pulls back as if he was burned and he can’t bring himself to look away. He watches him leave, hands clenched so tightly that he’ll have marks, internally screaming at himself for not doing _something_.

Yamaguchi picks the ball up with numb hands, his thoughts captivated by the cold eyes he’d looked into.

The court suddenly feels cold, cold, freezing.

**_____________ **

Yamaguchi doesn’t see much of Tsukishima the following week. Or the week after that. Days blend together and he thinks that he’ll never see those eyes again for as long as he lives.

His friends watch on in worry as he becomes more and more a shell of his former self.

***** **

_“So what’s the deal with you and Tsukishima??” _

_“Stupid, I told you not to ask!” Kageyama scolded. He turned to Yamaguchi with eyes that screamed pity (**keep your pity, he didn’t want it he didn’t want pity—**). _

_“What do you mean?? Why can’t I ask??” _

_“Shou..” Yachi softly called, shaking her head pleadingly. _

_“Yamaguchi..” Kageyama started off cautiously. “What happened?” _

_He shrugged, playing with the straw in his drink. He stared down into his reflection and it stared back at him with the same eyes as everyone else (**pity pity pity they think he’s pitiful—**). _

_Yachi tentatively reached for his arm. “Tsukishima.. He’s been off for a while now. And.. So have you.” When she got no response, she sighed. “Tadashi, we’re your friends. We want to help you. Help him. But we can’t do that if you don’t tell us what—” _

_He lashed out the moment her hand came in contact with his arm. She flinched back, eyes wide (_ **_is this what _he_ saw? fear? surprise?_** _) but he’d already been pushed over the edge. _

_He shouted. Screamed. He went on until his throat was hoarse and his chest heaved and he couldn’t see why couldn’t he see his face was wet his eyes were wet he wanted it to stop stop stop— _

_They all slept over that night. When morning came there were no questions asked. The four of them lounged around, watching movies and talking about the smallest things. When nightfall came, he let himself break and poured everything that was pent up over the course of the month. _

_They said nothing, and for the first time that was enough. _

***** **

Hinata was of course the first to suggest that something should be done.

“We can’t let this go on! If I have to keep seeing them so bummed out I’m gonna pull my hair out!!” He huffs.

“Easier said than done.”

“But we have to try,” Yachi glances over to Yamaguchi’s sleeping form. “It’s sad seeing them like this.”

Hinata grins. “So, listen, I have an idea..”

Another first, because for once Hinata Shouyou made perfect sense and no one could argue otherwise.

**_____________ **

The following Saturday they set their plan into action.

Tsukishima was off practice that afternoon and Yamaguchi didn’t have classes. It was difficult for the trio to rouse the latter out of bed, but no one said it was going to be easy.

Dealing with Yamaguchi was left to Yachi as the other two took off to <strike>kidnap</strike> bring Tsukishima.

“I don’t understand. Why are we going to a park?” Yamaguchi zips his sweater up, giving her confused glances. She smiles and lies between clenched teeth, offhandedly saying that they were going to spend the afternoon with some friends there.

The park comes into view around the corner after a few minutes. It’s quiet. A few stragglers remain in or around the vicinity. It’s late, most people with common sense would’ve gone home by that time. If Yamaguchi has learned anything from years of hanging out with his friends it’s that common sense is nonexistent with them.

Yachi is clutching to his sleeve, pulling him along with poorly hidden urgency.

He stops and by extension, her. She nervously turns up to look at him. “Why did you stop?”

“Why are we here?” He raises his hand to shush her before she can lie, “Don’t tell me it’s to meet up with friends, please. Yachi I’ve known you for years. I know your tells.”

“Yamaguchi—”

A voice carries over from farther into the park. “_Will you two dumbasses quit stalling and tell me what’s going on?” _

Yamaguchi’s blood runs cold.

“Yamaguchi—”

He grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her and hissing, “Why is _he_ here???”

Hinata seems to catch sight of them and immediately calls out with complete disregard.

Yamaguchi looks over and his eyes meet gold. He gets the urge to run, run far away and live the life of a hermit because anything would be better than having to face Tsukishima Kei.

He underestimates the will of his friends, though, and whether he likes it or not he’s dragged over.

“Yachi—Yachi please don’t make me do this I can’t—”

She doesn’t stop pulling until they’re a few feet away from the others. “You,” she shoves him forward, “And you,” giving Tsukishima a pointed look, “Are going to talk this out like responsible adults.”

Whatever protests either of them were about to say withered after a single look from her.

“You have the rest of today to sort this out, and we’ll know if you have or not!” Yachi turns to Hinata and Kageyama, motioning for them to follow her.

“W-Wait you’re just leaving us here??”

She sends him a knowing smile over her shoulder. With a wave goodbye the three are gone.

Yamaguchi Tadashi decides that today is definitely the day he dies.

Neither of them speak. Purposely avoiding eye contact, they both try to find _something_ to use as an ice breaker. When he’s worked up the confidence, Yamaguchi spares a few glances in his direction. He looks horrible. The shadows under his eyes stand out and the bruising across his nose (_he couldn’t bring himself to focus on that, not now_) make him look as if he’s seen better days. He probably has. Up until he’d met the disaster known as Yamaguchi.

He sucks in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispers at the same time Tsukishima.

Their eyes meet. For the first time he finds himself looking away because god his eyes aren’t supposed to look so _desperate_ and _sorry_.

“Yamaguchi—”

“Tsukishima—”

They stop. Yamaguchi is positive he’ll have bruises on his arms from how hard he’s clutching at himself. The silence is broken by a laugh. It’s brief and _wrong wrong wrong_. Tsukishima’s laugh should be high and arrogant and bright not _this_.

“I.. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

_There’s a hundred things you could say_, he bitterly thinks. _But don’t tell me you don’t know because I know you do. _

“An explanation,” he snaps. “Because I don’t know about you, but ignoring someone for an entire two weeks is a sign that something isn’t right.” He takes satisfaction in the regret that flashes across his face.

“Look, I’m sorry for ignoring you. I didn’t mean to let it drag on so long.” He sighs. “But I can’t give you an explanation. I just.. Can’t.”

That was, objectively, the worst thing he could’ve said.

“So.. That’s it? You think you can just say that you can’t and everything is suddenly fixed?”

“That’s not what I’m saying—”

“Well I’m SO sorry if I misinterpreted that because honestly I don’t know what you mean half the time anymore.” Yamaguchi is _livid_.

Tsukishima scoffs. “Last time I checked, we weren’t close enough for you to be demanding an explanation.”

Yamaguchi was going to punch him. He wanted to wipe that damned scowl off his face, wanted him to hurt because how _dare_ he say that to him.

“Because you never _let_ me get close enough!” He cries, throwing his hands into the air. He’s tired. He’s so, so tired.

“Ever consider I didn’t want you to? This is so like you,” Tsukishima takes a step closer, “Jumping to conclusions, assuming things are there when they _aren’t._”

He meets him halfway, turning his head up to make up for the few inches between them. Every word sends a wave of anger crashing over him but he doesn’t tell him to stop. Tsukishima is finally speaking to him and saying what he means and if this is the situation they need to be in then so be it.

Tsukishima takes a ragged breath, his voice straining. “This is all because of _you!_” As he finishes his sentence he lunges towards Yamaguchi, his hands curling tight around his collar.

For once, Yamaguchi doesn’t feel excitement about being so close to him.

His hands come up, grasping his wrists, trying to pry him away because he can’t choke up again he has to do something.

“I don’t understand! How?! How is any of this because of me?!”

“_How?_” Tsukishima’s eyes are wild. “You want to know _how?!_”

He swallows the lump in his throat, holding his breath. _Yes_, he tells himself. _Yes, I want to know how. I want to know why. I’ll hear whatever you need to say just please, don’t look at me with those eyes. _

“It’s because you decided that you needed to be in my life! We would’ve been fine going our own ways but _no_ you needed to be so persistent, annoying, you ignore where the line is drawn,” he punctuates every word with a furious shake. “You—”

“If you hate me so much,” Yamaguchi heaves, choking on tears he wasn’t aware were blurring his eyesight, “Then why? Why did you stay with me that day?!” He feels Tsukishima’s grip slacken. He takes the opportunity to wrench himself back.

He could leave. He knows this. This is an argument he doesn’t have to have. When Yamaguchi thinks back on how lonely the past two weeks had been, however, he knows that it’s an argument he shouldn’t avoid. He’s run away from the issue long enough, his conscience refuses to let him run away again.

Yamaguchi pauses for air. “Who do you think you are? What makes you think you have the right to play with me like this?” His nails dig into his palms. “Your words and your actions don’t match! You can’t blame me for being confused!”

“Yamaguchi—”

“_Don’t_. You have _no right_ to be treating me like this when _you_ were the one that walked away! I thought that we had become friends, you made me believe that we were to begin with! I can’t read your mind, Tsukishima, I don’t know what was going through your head that day! I don’t even know what you’re thinking right now!

“If you would just let me in for a second then we wouldn’t be fighting in the first place!” His voice cracks on the final word, his breath coming out in hiccuping sobs. He knew Tsukishima was going to ruin him, but not like this. Never like this.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Tsukishima reach for him and his hand shoots out to slap him away before he can even think properly.

Tsukishima says nothing. He’d have imagined that he’d have a million snarky comments to make. Instead he stands there, letting Yamaguchi wear himself out. He lets him shout and curse and cry and takes it quietly.

When the last of his sobs is finished and nothing more than a quiet sniffle, Yamaguchi notices that his wrist is being held. Blinking back tears he lets his eyes drift past the hand, up an arm, and into the face of the man he was supposed to hate.

He can’t see himself but he knows that there was no malice left on his face.

The fingers around his wrist tighten and he feels himself be pulled against a frantically beating chest. Yamaguchi closes his eyes, leans his head against his shoulder, and sags in his arms.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, holding each other. His fingers clench the fabric of Tsukishima’s shirt as he musters the courage to look up at him. A hand comes down against the back of his head, gently pressing his face against his shoulder again.

Tsukishima rests his chin atop his head, murmuring softly. “Don’t look at me.. I don’t think I can handle it right now.” Yamaguchi snorts softly, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

There’s a million things going through Yamaguchi’s head in that moment, a thousand questions begging to be asked. It feels too quiet but he’s afraid that if he speaks, he’ll awake and find it all to be a dream. Faintly, he hears Tsukishima say something.

“Hm..?”

“I don’t.”

“Don’t what?” He twists in his arms to look up at him.

Tsukishima purposely turns his head away to answer. “Earlier, you said I hated you. I don’t.”

He can feel his heart thrum and beat against his open palms. Yamaguchi smiles meekly. “I said a lot of things back there I didn’t mean.” His smile drops when he feels the other’s heart only seem to pound faster. He steps back. Swallowing his nerves he asks the question both seem afraid to hear the answer to.

“What.. What am I to you?”

There’s a pause. The silence was almost deafening.

Hearing no response, Yamaguchi starts to move back, his lips turned to a frown. “Nothing to say? Really?” His shaking voice betrays the confident face he’s trying to put on. “Fine.”

His feet finally budge, he’s turning, trying to restrain himself from flat out running. Their relationship may have been salvaged, he thinks to himself, but it seems that it won’t be the same. Yamaguchi doesn’t know what he was trying to accomplish by asking, maybe he crossed the line again, maybe he’d set back whatever progress had been made. Suddenly he’s moving, attempting to get far, far away, because Tsukishima Kei was certainly going to be his end if he—

“Yamaguchi..”

He staggers.

“I’m in love with you.”

He stops.

A warm hand brushes against his, hesitates, then holds on.

Long, pale fingers. As they wrap around his wrist he can feel their roughness, the drag against his own skin. They’re calloused and hardened from years of sports. There was a softness, however, in the way they held onto him. Tsukishima’s (_god, Tsukishima Kei was destroying him-_) hand grasps his loosely, hesitant almost, but tight enough to have his pulse racing. Almost distantly he notes how easily the digits completely enveloped his wrist. Somewhere in the back of his mind he muses with certainty that just one hand _could_ hold both his wrists. He could feel the muscle and strength come to life against his hand and _that_, he fights back a laugh of disbelief, that’s what nearly pushes him over the edge. The thought that with all that strength and his rough around the edges persona, Tsukishima was grabbing at him with uncharacteristic tenderness.

A tug urges him to turn around.

For the first time—_no, not the first_, he reminds himself, _but definitely not the last_—he looks into his eyes and never wants to look away again.

The look in his eyes is raw and vulnerable and scared. Tsukishima Kei is _scared_. He would never admit it, but his eyes give it away. Yamaguchi can’t believe he once considered them distant and cold. They were alight with emotions and words that Tsukishima could never say. His eyes say enough. They beg him to stay. They chant for Yamaguchi to ‘_please. please don’t leave me. stay. **I need you.**_’

His eyes drift lower, past the bruise on his nose (_he has to make up for that later_) and stopping at his lips. What would he do if he kissed him?

“You don’t have to tell me if you feel the same or not, because why would you but—”

Yamaguchi decides that he may as well find out.

Tsukishima is still talking when he kisses him. He feels his body freeze, hears a soft gasp, but he doesn’t move away. Yamaguchi’s hands slide up to his face, smiling against his lips when he feels him kiss back.

And then Yamaguchi draws back, not speaking, to press another kiss to his lips. Then the corner of his mouth. Kisses pressed across flushed cheeks, brushing extra softly over a bruise in apology.

When he steps back, he chokes on a laugh at the dazed look on the blond’s face. His laugh gets caught in his throat, though, when he meets his eyes.

If someone had told him, months ago, that Tsukishima was capable of looking so tender he would’ve laughed in their face because Tsukishima is _not_ a romantic.

Arms, so strong and gentle and _right_, slip their way around his waist and suddenly he’s pulled back against him. Yamaguchi can’t help the smile that makes its way onto his face. He laughs, not once breaking eye contact, and thinks that perhaps Tsukishima does have a bit of a romantic streak in him. He wants to see more, though, just to be sure. He has all the time in the world to figure it out.

Tsukishima stares down at him, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You’re staring again. Is it because my eyes are ‘molten gold, deep enough to drown in’?”

Yamaguchi thinks he shrieks out of embarrassment.

“_You…!!_”

“You said something else didn’t you? Oh, right, something along the lines of,” Tsukishima leans down, breathing it against his ear, “‘_burning, scorching warmth_.’”

“Tsukishima Kei I’m going to kill you!” Yamaguchi beats his fists against his chest, his face feels very, very hot all of a sudden. “I’m not kidding, I swear—”

His angry spiel is cut off by lips pressing against his mouth. When he comes back down from his surprised daze, his eyes focus on Tsukishima’s smirking face.

He snickers. “I’m messing with you.”

“I-If you ever mention that again, I’m going to give you another bruise to go with the one on your face.” Yamaguchi shoves him, fighting a smile in order to maintain seriousness.

Another question comes to mind. He decides that there’s nothing to lose in satisfying his curiosity.

“Speaking of the bruise..” He starts off slowly.

“What of it?”

“That day.. You said you got distracted but you never told me why.”

His curiosity peaks again as Tsukishima’s ears tinged pink.

“So? Are you going to tell me?”

Tsukishima pushes his glasses up, mumbling under his breath. He catches bits and pieces of phrases.

“Tsukishima…”

“I got distracted by you, okay?” His teeth are clenched and a very obvious blush dusts his cheeks. “I looked up and you were smiling, laughing, and I’d never seen someone look so.. so..”

Yamaguchi can’t resist his grin. “So..?”

Tsukishima’s face goes redder, if possible.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Payback for earlier. But continue, I’m invested in hearing the rest of this,” He says, looping his arms around his neck. “Please? I promise I won’t laugh!”

He half expects him to stay quiet. But he’s learned to never really know what to expect when it comes to Tsukishima, so he waits.

Tsukishima turns his head, eyes focused elsewhere as he continues. “I’d never seen someone with such a bright smile. And then you threw the ball and looked to me.” He hears a tremble in his voice. “_God_, I don’t think you know what you do to me every time you look at me. I froze, then. My stupid brain literally shut down because you had to look at me as if there was nowhere else you’d rather be than right there, in that court, with me.”

His plans of teasing him immediately go out the window with the confession. Yamaguchi thinks his heart melts a little. Reaching up, he cups his cheek until Tsukishima finally looks back at him. If there are tears in their eyes, neither of them say anything.

Yamaguchi whispers, “There _is_ no place I’d rather be than with you, dummy.” He leans forward to kiss the tip of his nose. “You,” another kiss, “make,” kiss, “literally any place worthwhile.” He finishes with a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Even getting kicked out of the library is fun when I’m with you.”

Tsukishima laughs sharply, choking on tears. “Shut up. Literally. I just told you that you make me weak and you go ahead and say _that_.”

“Because it’s true! Even that day when you nearly killed me with a ball was fun in its own way!”

“That’s horrible. You’re horrible.”

“If I’m horrible then you're worse!”

“You’re literally the worst.”

Yamaguchi tips his head back, shaking with laughter. A few seconds later another laugh joins his and soon they’ve dissolved into hysterics.

Tsukishima is the first to collect himself and says between small fits of chuckles, “The things you make me do, Yamaguchi..”

“See? The worst!”

“Mm, is that so?”

“You’re terrible, Tsukishima Kei!”

“So it would seem.”

Yamaguchi looks up at him, his lips softly pouting. “I always knew you were going to be my ruin.”

Tsukishima’s eyes flick down to his mouth. _Oh, he wanted to ruin Yamaguchi Tadashi in every way possible_, he sucks in a sharp breath.

“Tsukishima?”

“Hm,” He offhandedly responds, their faces now close enough to feel his warm breath fan out against his cheeks.

Yamaguchi grins, “So the reason you ran out that day was because you had a crush on me? Is that it?”

Tsukishima jolts back. “You know, I was going to kiss you again but I take it back. I take it all back. I’ve created a monster.” Yamaguchi doubles over in laughter, tears in his eyes.

“Y-You have to be,” He wheezes, “the easiest person to fluster in the world! Oh my god—”

Tsukishima furiously mutters over his desperate pleads of ‘_don’t look at me like that, I can’t breathe Tsukishima oh my god I’m dying._’

By the time he’s able to gather himself and wipe the tears from his eyes, Tsukishima is already walking away. Even from a distance he could see the red of his ears peeking out from beneath his hair. Yamaguchi smiles, chasing after him and quickly falling into pace next to him.

“Tsukishima—”

“Shut up.” There’s more fondness than annoyance in his voice.

“Mm, fine.” Yamaguchi hums in agreement and they continue in remote silence.

After a few minutes he can’t help but ask, “...you’re not _actually_ mad at me, right?”

“Stupid.” He feels a warm hand slip into his. “Do you really think I can get mad at you?”

Yamaguchi looks up at him, a bright smile on his face. He knows for a fact that Tsukishima would never really stay mad at him, he just wanted to hear it for himself.

“You’re looking at me like that again..”

“I know,” Yamaguchi chirps happily. “I just really, really like you.”

“...I like you too.”

For that, Yamaguchi laughs and smiles and kisses him dizzy.

“I really, really love you, too! If that wasn’t obvious already.”

Tsukishima’s hand tightens around his, and that’s the only response he needs. He knows Tsukishima Kei’s eyes and hands and heart are _his_.

And if Yamaguchi makes sure to kiss him extra hard for that later, well, he’ll never admit it.

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell that i live vicariously through Yamaguchi Tadashi?
> 
> in all seriousness though, here was day 1 of tsukkiyama week! i haven’t written in a little over six years but i’m pretty satisfied with how this one came out!
> 
> i also have a [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/choiiisans) where i mainly scream about mdzs but occasionally gush about haikyuu shsh so feel free to follow


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